13 Things Parents of Athletes Should Know

Stefanie Mullen.

"I have seen some things on the sidelines over the years that would give you nightmares. Casts being sawed off, coaches going to blows, parents screaming obscenities at the other teams fans. U.G.L.Y. We have all gotten way too emotionally involved in our kids sports. We have forgotten that it’s about the the kids and the lessons, the journey if you will, not the end point. I have an 18 year old now. He is playing D1 lacrosse for an east coast college and I couldn’t be prouder of him. My 16 yo is committed to a college on the east coast to play as well in 2015. One thing I know for sure is this. They did it. Not us. No amount of screaming, calling coaches, forcing practices would have mattered if they didn’t want it. It was our goal to be supportive, try and embarrass them as little as possible and give them the tools they needed to achieve their dreams. But they had to fight for those dreams. Not us.

My point here is, it’s about them. Get out of their way, enjoy the process, uncoil a bit. Someday far too soon this whole sports thing will be over and you will be begging them to come home for Thanksgiving. TRUST. ME."

I took Stefanie's points and combined them with a set of guidelines from exercise physiologist, Sheila King at UCLA. I compiled a list of my favorites and embellished a few to make them more appropriate for cheerleading.

13 Things Parents of Athletes Should Know

1. It’s not about you, its about them.  Do not live your own sports dreams through your kids. It’s their turn now. Let them make their own choices, both good and bad.

2. Never talk to a coach about your child’s performance after a competition. Actually you never should. You should have your kid do that. That said, if you just can’t help yourself, send an email the next day and ask for some phone time. 

3. Let your child know it's not the end of the world if their spot or position changes. It could be their most important lesson. Never let your child hear you criticizing the coach or other athletes. Keep the sideline comments positive and encouraging. Refrain from blaming coaches for making decisions that are not in favor of your child. Teach your children that such judgments are part of the sport and must be overcome.

4. Do NOT coach your kid from the sideline. Your job is to be a cheerleader, not a coach. If you wanted to coach, you should have applied for the job.

5. It is EXTREMELY UNLIKELY you are raising a professional athlete. I promise you. Relax, let them have a good time and learn the lessons they are supposed to be learning in sports.

6. Don't rehash every detail of practice with your child. Over-analyzing can take the fun out of it. And focusing only on mistakes can backfire: Some kids will do anything to avoid making another mistake, including not doing anything at all. Children need to develop their instincts and learn to trust them. They don't need to dwell on every misstep. Let the coach provide feedback during practice when children can readily make change.  

7. If you have nothing nice to say, sit down and be quiet. Don’t be “that” parent. 

8. If you are losing your mind while watching practice, it’s time to look in the mirror and figure out why. It’s not normal to care that much about sports. Put that energy into something more productive.

9. Let them fail. Forgotten equipment, not working out, not practicing at home? Let them suffer the consequences of that. It will make them better.

10. Your kids are watching you. Make them proud not embarrassed.

11. Be sure your children are involved in the appropriate level for age and skill development. Nothing can be more discouraging to children than participating in a level or age group over their heads. Confidence is key — especially for girls, who more often express lower perceptions of physical competence than boys. Emphasize effort over result.  If your children have strong skills, make sure they're excelling in other areas of the routine. Tumbling and Stunting aren't the only categories on the score sheet. Does your athlete know their counts and can they perform with the team? This is not an individual sport, and being able to execute level appropriate jumps, choreography, formations, and transitions on time should all be considered.  There are plenty of resources out there; it's up to you to take full advantage of them.

12. Children have to have the desire within themselves to compete and excel at sports. Parents cannot force children to succeed as athletes. The best approach is to expose kids to a variety of positions and skills that the sport involves. Then let them choose the sport... Not the position, the sport. You sign up to be on a team, not to be in a specific position on a team. Examine your personal motives for wanting your child to compete. If you are trying to live vicariously through your child, reassess what your child wants and needs and put those desires ahead of your own.

13. Help children learn to balance sports in their lives. Keeping children well rounded will provide them with the confidence and skills to adapt to the challenges they will face in life, keep them fit and healthy, and provide memorable experiences for the entire family to share.