Working Moms and The Importance of a Real Partnership

 Written by Jennifer Barbin, adapted by Courtney

  

I travel frequently for work. As a full time harpist and allstar cheerleading coach, I spend most of my weekends either performing with the harp, or traveling across the country as a judge or with my teams for competition. Being a working, traveling mom, it is inevitable that at some point someone will ask “Who watches your baby when you are away?” This question comes from women, men, peers, it even comes from fellow working moms. I used to be offended by their reactions, the look of disbelief, surprise, and pity on their faces when I told them that Ivy was home with her dad.

What is unfortunate about these reactions is that so many people still assume that just because I am the mother (and I am traveling) that I must be leaving my baby with my mother, or mother-in-law, or sister, or some other very capable female. Not usually considered is the possibility that my husband is not only running the show, but in a very competent way.  I even had a fellow mom comment “So your husband must play the feminine role and you’re more like the father figure, unattached and less involved?” This is truly disappointing.

The success of my life as a working mom has always been about partnership. My husband and I depend on one another and our work and parent commitments are equally important to each other.

Our Daily Schedule: My husband is off to work everyday by 6:30am. I take care of the baby (and myself a shower some point), household chores, and work from home (practicing the harp, writing music, booking gigs, completing cheerleading music/choreography/paperwork/emails/phone calls) before leaving the house at 3pm to pick up babysitter from school and start coaching. Matt drives 20minutes past our home from work to pick Ivy up then heads home to take care of her and household duties (he pays the bills, takes out the trash, feeds the animals, etc., and puts Ivy to bed every single night) and I get home around 10pm. Additionally, the weekends I travel I am usually on a flight Friday mornings before anyone in our household would ever be awake, so that makes Matt responsible for waking up at 5am, working until 5pm, picking Ivy up after work (when I’m gone on Fridays she usually stays with family about an hour from where he works so he has a 2 hour commute after work JUST to pick her up), then he spends the night entertaining her, preparing her dinner, giving her a bath, taking care of the animals, and everything else that needs to be done in a day without my help. Then he has the entire weekend with her by himself and has another 2 hour commute Sunday night if my flight home isn’t until Monday. My husband will have no down time or a day off for weeks on end when I travel. Ivy is almost 1½ years old which makes her very curious, she likes to grab and move almost anything within reach. She’s also a showoff, she’s happy when she does something she is especially proud of and looks to us for a reaction. And her favorite activity is climbing the stairs. Keeping up with her is exhausting for 5 minutes let alone an entire weekend by yourself after working full-time all week. Whether you are male or female, veteran parent or a high-energy babysitter, caring for a baby-toddler is tough! 

Very truthfully, if Matt and I had more of a traditional marriage, whereby the majority of household AND parenting responsibilities fell upon only me, the professional roles I have enjoyed simply would not be possible. The development of both of my careers would have been limited. Because I have this true partner in life who has been helping along the way, my career has grown and blossomed. And…. because my career has grown and I feel like I have a real partner, I am a much happier individual.

A big thank you to my husband, my partner, Matt! Without you, none of this would be possible.